I got an email this morning from Nerdboy. I really dont know how I feel. I read it and felt so angry. How dare him write me and apologize for being cruel to me. The recovery side of me wants to take it and say thank you but the human and heartbroken side of me wants to cry. I am fighting back the tears as I type this because all it did was remind me of all the hurt all over again. It was such a terrible heartbreak and then trying for almost 3 years to get him to want me again was so cruel and painful for myself.

Its been almost 2 months and I dont think of it much but I do have thoe days when I am driving to or from work that I begin to think of him and all I can do is cry. They are the most silent tears. Never enough to effect my make up or cause a red nose and swollen eyes but the pain I feel is enough to blind side me. It is gutteral coming from the deepesdt part of me. The kind of heartbreak that could effect a thousand people all at once.  It is the greatest death I have ever felt or dealt with. I know it was only a breakup but the pain that followed has scarred me for my entire life.

Why do people do that?? The last time we communicated I wrote him telling him that I wanted him in my life as a friend if it could be nothing more than that. His words back were cruel and I swore I would never reach out to him again. I have not and I will not. His mail will go unanswered and I would like to think he will know that my pain is still here. Another part of me wants to mail him back and say 4 simple words......

Please Leave Me Alone.......

Thats what I need from him and its a simple request. He says you do not have to respond which is like saying I need to clear my conscience but dont respond. That takes alot of self centeredness and selfishness.

Am I wrong??

I am at a loss right now and I can not allow it to effect my day.

I am getting a make over today and I am so very excited about it. I am hoping at this point that it will distract me and lead my thoughts in a different direction.......

Namaste~

Elyse, I think you are doing the right thing by not replying to his email. He hurt you with his cruel email, and although I think he had to apologize in order to clear his conscience, I think you made the right choice by not replying. How was your holiday break? Feel free to check out my blog! :)

I agree with Meg, Elyse. What's the point in continuing this game of cat-and-mouse? He may be sincere in his apology to you or he may just be trying to absolve his own conscience, but either way, it's not doing you any good. If anything, it just keeps you holding on to the past, and you know how much power people have over the past (think of the Serenity Prayer, Elyse...)

It's time to let go of this addiction, my friend. It's not healthy for you - you know it's not; you've even stated that yourself - and it's not helping you move forward into your life. It's hard to get out of that zone, I know, but I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to be as truly happy as you decide to be.

Hi Elyse. Just dropping in to see how you're doing and to wish you a great day.

Hi Elyse. I'm visiting all the people on the Friends list of our friend Kelly, asking you to please visit her. She wrote a post that has given cause for some concern, and she really needs to know she's not alone. If you could please find a minute to drop by her blog and let her know she's not alone, I think that would make a big difference to her.

Thanks in advance...