(Megan....I know you read my blog but this post is very adult rated. If you are comfy then read it but please understand I am 37 years old and this post is about sex. Love yA!!)

So the first thing I need to do is properly introduce you to Ceej..or CJ..thats him in the pic.....I have written a few times about our contact but I have some major news..........

Ceej is coming to see me. I really am at a  loss about what to do and how to approach this. My hopes are that it will be in the spring so that I will have a chance to lose some weight with my surgery. I think that once I have lost some weight I will feel better about my huge crush coming to Nashville and crashing with me....Yeah I said staying with me for 2 weeks possibly......Yep, that does leave alot of room open for some mischief.

The fact is that I am super super attracted to him. I know it is an image in a picture and a voice on the phone but talking with someone for a while and getting to know them personally not only does it change how you look at someone but it can change how you look at your physical desire for them. I went into our communication with a huge crush and alot of flirting. We have done alot of that with one another. He knows how deep my crush goes even though I try to play it really kewl. Sometimes I think it is just an ego boost for him and then I am reminded that our contact goes deeper than that at this point.

We have not been in touch for a few weeks and I had gotten comfy with that. My insecurity told me that I could not meet him in person because of several factors....one being my weight the others being my financial position and my age.

To try and make a story shorter...he let me know the other day that he was coming to see me anyway....What am I suppose to say?? NO??? yeah right...this is my fantasy guy.....See, I know what this is...this sint about a realtionship...I dont think...this is about 2 consenting adults have a fling for a few weeks...The crazy part of that is I am soooo OK with it. LOL.......I have no problem with this being a casual thing...Is that just awful of me?? I mean I am 37 and I have never been premiscuious. I have always been very strange about sex with men. I have always been hard to get into bed. Jon was the first and only man I have ever slept with quickly and the first man I could never get enough of. Now here is CJ, I have never met him in person and I know I will jump his bones the minute I am with him.

I am trying to make sense of my physical needs overwhelming my emotional and rational thinking. I am in a place where I dont care about morals. I just want to shag him silly ....LOL.... I dont care that he will leave after 2 weeks and that will be it...I think.....There might be a chance that he really digs me but he wont dig me unless I dig myself and that is going to take some work........So let the games begin......I have to say I am sooo damn excited!!

Laterz!!

Is that a bad thing??

LOL Elyse! No, it doesn't make you a "bad girl" - it makes you a human woman who wants some lovin' from her crush. The only thing I really want you to remember, though, is this: If a man doesn't like you just the way you are, but if he likes you if you lose a ton of weight, then he isn't worth your efforts, your love, or your heart. I know you know this, but I just want to remind you of it. Other than that, have a wonderful time!

I also want to thank you for the e-card you sent. I appreciate that you thought of me, my friend.