I am feeling alot better today. I have not received the package yet but I find myself more leveled and centered. I had to start over again. Just a smal bitt of communication took me back to square one all over again. I cant put myself in that situation any longer.

I bought a really good book today about addictive love and being addicted to a person. It is really interesting how they break down your emotional hunger for someone because of what you didnt experience growing up with the males in your family. So much of my addictive nature centers around the fact that my dad was unavailable to me. Alot of all of this is just transference.

It feels a bit overwhelming how this has changed me. In all the areas of my life where I am successful, this is the one area that has broken me and brought me to a point where I lost complete control. My self esteem, which is very high in most situations, even with my weight, was shattered and all I could see was what was wrong with me. The freeing thing today is that I realize that the only thing I did wrong was loving someone too much. When the relationship was happening I was happy, centered and moving forward. It was a healthy relationship that went whacky when it ended. Well, it didnt...I did.........

I am in a place today where there is no turning back. I gave my all and it wasnt enough. I couldnt have been anymore loving, giving and caring. I couldnt have been a better catch for someone. I am done blaming myself for his inability to commit to me. I am done begging someone to love me........I am done trying to convince anyone to love me..........

I am worthy of all good things that come to me. I am a good person with so much love to give someone who wants it. I would have stood by him and supported him through everything in this life........Its a shame he couldnt appreciate it but I am not going to shed another tear.

Having him send me a present was so unexpected. It took me to an unhealthy place all over again. I will now move to not let that happen again......there is no going back.......I deserve better.........you either want to be with me or you dont and if you dont then leave me alone.........

Namaste~